yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
