chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
