I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
