you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
