Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
