I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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