I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
