I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
