I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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