life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize