Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
