Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
