As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think people are normalizing furries
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
