I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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