ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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