he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
