i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
