i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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