you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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