How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
