would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
