Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
