Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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