dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
