I wish my penis had an off switch
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
