I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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