I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
