I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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