there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
