That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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