she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can't put those talents on a resume
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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