Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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