when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
