they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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