theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
