Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
