I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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