I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
