you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
