So drunk, too bad you don't want this
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
