He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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