shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
