Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize