Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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