i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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