I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
