Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
