Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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