I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
