goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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