i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
