so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
