You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
