I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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