I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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