Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
