you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
