Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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