I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
