i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
