found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
