Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
operation harelip BJ is a go
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
