And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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