The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize