yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
