the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize