I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
