just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
