My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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