There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
