I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
