Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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