I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
