he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize