we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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