hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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