Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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