Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
