Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
