Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
