when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
