Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize