So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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