I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize