bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize