thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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