Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
