god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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