How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
