Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
