I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize