As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
