I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
