I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
