After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
