I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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