There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize