I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
