i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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