I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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